You made me cry and you don't even care
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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