my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
