Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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