no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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