i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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