i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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