i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
