My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
