What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
