Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
