It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
