We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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