I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
