And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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