At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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