Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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