The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
