remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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