They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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