i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
