I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
