He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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