with your own penis?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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