is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
