The brown eye won't let me do that either.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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