Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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