I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
