Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
