i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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