Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
