you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
