dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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