So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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