have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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