East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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