I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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