Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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(770): View more from Georgia

When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.

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(530): View more from California

Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.

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(361): View more from Texas

WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?

(903): View more from Texas

I would peed on everything

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.

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(970): View more from Colorado

My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am

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(519): View more from Ontario

He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher

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(517): View more from Michigan

I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.

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(435): View more from Utah

He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.

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