You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
