So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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