The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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