I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
