no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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