I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
