we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
