On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
