i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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