i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
