Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
