today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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