so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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